Hello. I’d like to begin by saying that this is the largest audience we’ve ever had attend a RA meeting, and the board is very happy to see that you are all taking an interest in the running of your estate. Granted, the main reason why most of you are here is to talk about one specific…fault. I see a lot of you holding our updated flyers in your shaking hands, and although it was number five on our agenda, after the disappearance of Flat 50 in Hardy House and the malicious swing in Gainsbourg Park, a significant number of residents have come forward and asked if we could move the Hand to the first order of business. If everyone could quieten down and please keep the crying to a minimal, we can begin to hash this recent incident out.
Now, I understand that some of you think we are past the point of conversation. But recent reports state that the Hand, or the Devil’s Right as it has been misidentified by the press, has advanced in its consciousness and is now speaking. Please, please! We won’t get anywhere with blood curdling screams. I am as outraged as the next man by the boldness of this piece of decorative art, but we need to keep a level head. Perhaps now we can carefully but assertively ask the Hand to desist from its mindless destruction of public property and random acts of murder. I know other attempts to rationalise with the 6-foot 5-fingered horror have resulted in increased aggression, but this recent development might bring us closer to understanding its motivations. And understanding will bring us closer to ending its reign of terror.
Let’s all remember how we were excited to see it stand as sentinel in our once titled ‘Walk of Impenetrable Darkness’. The best case scenario would be to see it return to its pedestal. Perhaps with a high fence around it to stop any future…transgressions. All this talk of destroying it forever is just talk. ‘Art for the Undervalued’ was a government initiative that we all supported, and we can’t just bow out when things get incredibly problematic. I would ask that everyone keep a close eye on their assets, especially unattended children, motorbikes and Labradors, which the hand apparently has a penchant for. We would also welcome any volunteer negotiators, as obviously the high risk/lack of training makes the job literally anyone’s game.