Feeling It Today

It breathes slowly. Deep breaths that rattle through its hollow rib cage. It drags its hulking mass in slow, heavy steps behind you. You don’t need to look over your shoulder to know it’s there. You don’t have to hear that ungodly whistle in its chest. You can feel it, growing inside you.

At first, you can fight it. Shush it. Squash it down. It’s a stray thought. It’s a fleeting twinge. But then it’s a ball in your gut. Growing and growing until it’s big enough to divert you. You want to go left, it wants to go right. So now you’re going right, and try as you might to justify it, this was never your plan.

Now you don’t know how to get back in control. You don’t know where you begin and where it does. What if it never did? What if it’s always been you? Been a part of you, and blocking it out will never be the answer. Maybe you have to cut it out and in the process cut yourself.

But you’re too scared to hurt yourself. Especially when you don’t know if you’ll ever heal properly. What if you don’t get it all? How can you cut out your own mind?

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