The Regime: Pause

I slide out from under Partner in the middle of the night. Drag feet as I walk into the bathroom. Sit down to pee, and then realise I don’t need to. Go over to the sink, look at myself in the mirror.

Not Verity anymore. To my astonishment.

Just little old me. Jet black eyes, stern mouth. Special.

I think I’m hungry. Or thirsty.

I think I need to get out of this flat.

Pull hoodie on over T-Shirt and slip out into the night. Walk along the street searching for a light. I think about running away. But where would I go? I don’t know where-

I can’t go home, so what’s the point?

I decide I am hungry when I see a petrol station up ahead. Bright light flashing snacks.

Two cars parked, but apart from that, empty. Quiet. Door chimes as I enter. Boy (Man?) looks up from phone. Nods at me. I nod back.

I peruse the aisles. Chocolate. Wrenches. Crisps. Plasters. I pick the colours that I like and head to the counter. He rings me up.

Fourteen pounds.

I blink at him. Startled, like I’ve never heard of currency.

I don’t have any money.

What?

I look down, hands in pockets. I don’t have any money. I didn’t think-

How much did you say it was?

Fourteen pounds.

I feel about in my pockets still, knowing that I have nothing in them. I could put the snacks back…

But I don’t want to.

I want the snacks. And I used to only do things that I wanted. So, I decide to try that again.

I look up at BoyMan. Smile. He doesn’t smile back but he does watch me long enough for me to form a connection. I reflect his eyes back at him. It’s a weak line; I haven’t practiced in a while. But he’s not a challenge. He works in a petrol station after all.

Let me off this time.

He blinks.

I’ll let you off this time.

Really?

I…think so, yeah.

That’s so nice of you.

I smile.

So, so nice.

He nods, a little dazed. I pick up my treats and begin to leave.

But I can’t. I’m wide awake now. I want to play.

Hey.

Yeah?

It’s easier this time to connect. He waits, slack jawed, for my command.

Empty out the till.

He reaches into the till.I act surprised for the CCTV.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I’m doing?

Put it in a bag and give-

Wrong move.

Put it in a bag and leave the bag in the wheelie bin outside 23 Burns Avenue.

He continues to fill the bag. I head out.

I run, actually. All the way home. I dump all my snacks on the kitchen counter and stare at them.

What have I done?

What a stupid-

What if he can’t find my address?

I stay up the rest of the night, sitting at the living room window, overlooking the drive. I brace every time a car goes past. An hour later, maybe four, I see a figure in a hoodie walking up. He opens the wheelie bin, my wheelie bin, and drops something in it. He looks up at the house and I duck. I don’t know if he sees me. But when I next look out, he’s gone.

I go back to bed like nothing has happened.  Five minutes later Partner’s alarm goes off.

We get up, start our morning routine. I take my pills and the night before fades like a dream. Like with every day, I take the rubbish out to the bins. But when I look inside: There is the bag, full of cash, and what looks like a hand gun.

The Supervisor toots the horn of the car. I drop the rubbish in surprise and go towards him.

I should tell him about the cash, but I don’t.

For the first time in a long time, I lie.

For the first time in a long time, I can see the exit sign.

Society

Int. Newsroom – Day

NARRATOR: The exec team are in the third hour of their pre production meeting. Josh has finally decided to join them and now the rest of the team have to rehash everything they’ve already discussed.

ART: We’re thinking scaled down, Uni colours, quick to build, that sort of thing-

JOSH: I feel like it should be really big and really bright. Like, you know, out there. So people know that we’re out there.

LEO: We don’t have the budget for ‘really big’ and ‘really bright’. Pick one.

JOSH: But it won’t cost that much, will it? Just like tables, chairs, green screen, lights autocues-

KEZIA: Green screens?

HARLEY: Autocues sound heavy-

LEO: We really don’t have the budget for autocues.

JOSH: Teleprompters, then.

LEO: They’re the same thing.

JOSH: So who’s going to feed us our lines?

LEO: You’re going to have to learn them-

ART: We haven’t really discussed how we’re going to do it. We might get earpieces.

LEO: No. We won’t. Because we don’t have earpiece money.

JOSH: Mate. Is it just me, or is this guy  being super defeatist? We should start calling you Negative Nigel!

LEO: Except my name isn’t Nigel.

JOSH: Le-No, then.

ART: Good one.

LEO: Look, I’m just being realistic. We have to borrow the majority of our equipment from the TV Network, otherwise we have to go without. I feel like my email was very clear about how little money we have.

JOSH: I didn’t get that email.

LEO: Well, that’s weird. It said seen at the bottom.

JOSH: Oh. I mean, I got it but I couldn’t read it on my phone. Facebook app, am I right?

He reaches over to high five Art. 

LEO: No.  No. Art, don’t do it.

ART: It’s bants-

LEO: No, Art, it’s blatant disregard for my hardwork.

Art reaches for the high five.

LEO: Art. ART. If you high five him, I’m leaving. I mean it.

Art hovers.

JOSH: Who’s the boss round here, Art? You or Leo?

HARLEY: Guys, I really need to take my insulin shot.

NARRATOR: This is crunch time for Art. If he high fives Josh, he’s going to piss off a high ranking officer in his team and possible encourage insurgence. If he doesn’t, he’s going to look like a huge loser who listens to penny pinching neurotic asshole instead of the deputy captain of the Lacrosse team.

Art high fives Josh.

Narrator: Arthur has decided to start World War Three: University News Show edition.

 

 

Be Still

Be still, my love. When you squirm, it breaks my heart. The blade is sharp, but my tongue is sharper. Be still, or I’ll wail the house down.

This is the greatest compliment. The only testament worthy of our love. We’ll be together for always. Always. Hand in hand. Arm in arm. Dermis on dermis.

Be still. Please. I only slice because I love you. I move my hands with love and grace, to honour you. To honour our love.

I only want to wear your skin, the way all lovers want to. To touch the things you touch. To feel the things you feel.

I only want us to be one and the same. The truest of loves. Two halves of a whole.

Be still, for now. Be still. I feel your pain, it has become my own. I fear and feel the ache of a heart that yearns to attach itself to you.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, just the same. As you bleed, I bleed. Not literally, but you understand. One is a metaphor, the other is fact. A few more drops and then it’s done.

You and I will be one.

But still, you wince. Even though I don’t ask for much. I love you. That is all. What’s a little blood between lovers?

Lost Clause II

Losing the house didn’t bother Caldwell. It had been chopped and changed so much since the divorce that it no longer resembled the house he had grown up in. What did bother Caldwell was what exactly his mother was selling. Was it the ornaments? The wood panelled flooring? The whole thing? The very land his summerhouse stood on?

Caldwell’s mistake, of course, was thinking that the summerhouse was his at all. In truth the glorified shed had not been gifted to him, or even loaned to him as a kindness. His mother was almost permanently abroad, and when she did vacation home, she spent most of her time staking out his father’s new bachelor pad. She had not noticed he was still there until he sat down at the dining table to confront her.

Mother, He began, quite ceremoniously.

Oh. Yes. She replied, taken aback.

Caldwell, isn’t it?

I’ve seen the sign in the driveway.

Oh, good. I was worried no one could.

What does it mean?

What do you mean what does it mean?

What does it mean for me?

Well…nothing, I imagine. You’ve got your own place now.

I’ve got-

It was at this point that Caldwell realised his mother had not gifted him the summerhouse, or loaned it to him as a kindness. He also assumed that the binoculars on the table were not a gift for him either, but for something much more sinister.

I see. So you’re selling the house?

Yes.

And the furniture?

Yes.

And the land?

Yes. If someone can afford it.

And how much would it cost?

His mother then suggested a price that does not bear thinking about and honestly made Caldwell break out in a cold sweat.

Why? Are you thinking of buying it?

He had been.

No. I was just…curious.

Well. This was nice. Shall I show you out?

She then, in a almost farcical manner, proceeded to escort him through a house he knew inside out, and out into the driveway where he pretended to walk along the country lane for five minutes before crawling back into the property through a makeshift entrance he had built eleven years prior.

Lost Clause I

In moments of high drama, some things will inevitably fall by the wayside. One might forget to wash their hair, for instance, or to iron their clothes. One might forget their wallet at home, or put on two different socks. Sometimes, one might forget a child they had brought into the world. Such is life.

We find Caldwell, our hapless protagonist, in that very situation. After 12 years of uncomfortable family holidays, and gatherings and photos, his parents decided to loudly and publicly uncouple. Many depositions were recorded, many articles were written and many gold bars were hidden in almost cartoonish fashion. Yet, somehow, when the final list of assets had been drawn up, Caldwell had not been included.

It wasn’t the first time that someone had forgotten about Caldwell. For the first three years of his life, he did not have a name because his parents ‘never got round to it’. The name Caldwell had been made up on the spot, on his first day of school and since no one could be bothered to protest it, it had stuck.

But having a name did not improve Caldwell’s luck. He just had, it seemed, nothing much about him. His eyes were very eye like and his nose could only be described as ‘on his face’. In fact, Caldwell’s invisibility had become lore. Locals would swap stories of how, one minute, he had been in the sweet shop and the next, right before there eyes, he’d still been there but it was ‘kind of like he wasn’t.’

The divorce only served to strengthen the myth of Caldwell. His two filthy rich and petty parents squabbled over door frames and window panes, while their son, if he indeed existed, continued with his day with only a set of earplugs to keep him company. That’s why he wasn’t at all surprised by being left out of the settlement. What did surprise him, though, was how reluctant his parents had been, once the mistake had been noticed, to  to fix it.

Well, they each said.

Well.

Seeing as you’ve already packed up-

Perhaps it’s time you stood on your own two feet.

But I am standing on my own two feet, he reminded them. And also, I’m twelve.

If this was the Sudan, and you were a girl, you would be married by now.

Caldwell could only agree.

So you see, this is entirely possible.

You’ve got to start out sometime. Why not start immediately?

Then they both got into their respective sport cars and drove away.

Surprisingly, Caldwell did not make it very far. Twelve year olds do not possess things like money or life skills. At least, this one didn’t.  He could just about drag his Goyard trunk to the summerhouse at the end of his parents’, now mother’s, home before he collapsed in a  pile of gilets on the floor out of boredom and frustration.

There he remained. For 12 years. Scavenging for whatever food his mother left in the fridge while she was abroad. He foraged for whatever he needed: water, warmth, all the episodes of Game of Thrones available on Sky Catch Up. He was a warrior, a survivor. A ghost even, depending on what the locals continued to say.

Until of course, our inciting incident takes place: Caldwell’s Mother decides to sell the house.